I know what you're all thinking, another blog just one day after the last one - yes, this is the first time this has happened this year, and hopefully it's a trend that will continue going forward.
So how's everyone doing today? Feeling refreshed today? Right, well I hope you're ready for a rant of sorts, as I watched the latest series of the Apprentice last night. I don't really know why I watch this show, it is pure car crash television, but I think it must be my deep seated desire to be amused, as the majority of people on the show are utter, utter, utter, UTTER douchebags and I do like watching people that deserve to fail actually fail. Come on, how hard is it to actually do the things asked of you?
Well, the new series started with 16 would-be business partners, which included blonde airheads, posh twats, people with Napoleon complexes and one that looked like Dracula. The task for these douchebags? Sell general stuff to London stores. First thing first though, they had to pick team leaders...
For the girls, Jaz (who liked like an oak tree) immediately offered her "expertise", which was to patronise her "employees" by treating them as if they were about 8 years old. I was half expecting her to start patting the rest of the girls on their heads then, when someone said or did something half decent, have her clap loudly just like Peter Griffin did in the Family Guy episode "Petarded". This is a woman who seems so sure of her ability to lead, that she continually asked for approval from her followers, in a desperate attempt to feel self-worth. Her acceptance of the team name Evolve was brilliantly pathetic - you can tell she's angling for her own show on Pick TV at some point. Keep hoping love. As for the team name Evolve - the only thing evolving is the menstrual cycles and need for chocolate cake.
Then we get to the boys. I would say men but these guys always look like they have no clue what happens in the real world. Take the team leader Jason, a man who has never had a job in his life - you can guaran-damn-tee that his parents paid for him to study greek philosophy/mythology/whatever at the finest university around. This is what gets my goat, the first Apprentice was made in America with Donald Trump, and it included one college dropout who actually performed much better than most business owners. I wanted something like this in the UK version, maybe have someone with no business acumen try to win it. it would have been an underdog story. Then we get this, a posh 22 year old who has had his life paid for every day. He took the Team Leader spot and just proved exactly how little he knows business by being unable to sell something as simple as a leather jacket or a union jack mug, and in doing so another member of the team stepped up to take charge.
And don't even get me started on the scary welsh guy - "people say I look like famous people, and I've been called Freddie Mercury before" - yeah, a gypsy romani version of a moustached Freddie Mercury. Minus his talent. I think that Miles was correct when he stated that you looked like someone else famous. Dracula. Yep, Dracula. He hit the nail on the mark there.
What I don't get about this show is that, when there are three people in the boardroom awaiting Nookie Bear's verdict, they really slag each other off. After that they're all huggy and nice and friendly with the fired competitor and with each other when they get back to the house. Really? If that was me I would either explode in their face (not sexually, just figuratively) with insult after insult (probably involving their mama) or just bide my time and wait for the perfect revenge moment. I would not be nice. And that is saying something, as I'm actually a nice guy.
So this was how I spent my Tuesday evening, watching 16 plebs battle it out over the next 12 weeks to be a business partner to the guy who made Amstrad computers in the 80s (I had one, they weren't that great), only to find themselves either leaving/being fired within 3 months, or if the winner is female, launching a sexual harassment/discrimination suit within 3 months. Anything to get into Nuts or Zoo magazine.
The crazy thing is, I will still be watching this every week. So expect more Apprentice rant blog shennanigans to come.
Until then, peace out.
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