Spoiler Alert!!! Reviewing Movies from 2014 - Fury

It's time for another Spoiler Alert Movie Review!  Today, it's a film that I watched recently, that being the action packed war film Fury.

"April, 1945.  As the Allies make their final push in the European theatre, a battle-hardened army sergeant named Wardaddy (Brad Pitt) commands a Sherman tank and his five-man crew on a deadly mission behind enemy lines.  Outnumbered and outgunned, Wardaddy and his men face overwhelming odds in their heroic attempts to strike at the heart of Nazi Germany"

I will hold my hands up now and admit that I wasn't really that interested in watching this film.  I don't know why, as I enjoy films based around the atrocities that occurred during the second world war (not saying I enjoy the atrocities, they sicken me).  Maybe it's because this particular theatre of battle has never really been addressed in such fashion.  However, my flatmate wanted to see it so I agreed to watch it.  I can honestly say that this was a particularly good decision, as Fury is a fantastic film, with a great story and brilliant character portrayal.

WARNING, THERE BE SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT FORTH!!!!

The film centres on five principle characters: US Army S/Sgt. Don "Wardaddy" Collier (played by Brad Pitt), T/5 Boyd "Bible" Swan (played by Shia LaBeouf), Cpl. Trini "Gordo" Garcia (played by Michael Pena), Pfc. Grady "Coon-Ass" Travis (played by Jon Bernthal), and Pvt. Norman "Machine" Ellison (played by Logan Lerman).  These characters are part of the 66th Armored Regiment, 2nd Armored Division, who control the tank Fury across Nazi Germany towards the end of the war.

Initially a four-man crew, Pvt. Ellison was drafted from an admin position to aid the gunners and driver.  Whilst the tank is the main star of the film, it is Pvt. Ellison's story that really drives this film.  Having never seen combat, nor killed anyone, it is his growth that the story really focuses on.

Fury starts with a sublime shot, of a battle-hardened soldier atop horseback surveying the battlefield.  Bodies lie strewn all over the place, death is in the air.  After a couple of minutes, you then realise that this film will show all the horrors of the war, as said soldier (a fantastic Brad Pitt) knifes a Nazi in the face a few times.  If you're squeamish, then this may not be the film for you....

Upon realising that his original bow gunner/driver has been killed in action, he is provided with a replacement, new recruit Pvt. Ellison who has only been in the army a total of 3 months.  Alienated by the other crew members, he is told to clear the remains of Fury before the regiment move across Nazi Germany.  It was at this point that you get to see a proper slive of horror - and I do mean slice, as Ellison comes across a piece of skin either slayed, sliced or blown off the face of someone once living.  It is a horrible sight, but sadly, it was one that many soldiers came across during that conflict.

Brad Pitt is amazing in his role as the war-ravaged Wardaddy Collier.  From his look, he appears to have possibly fought in World War 1, but he and the remainder of the crew have all been together as one unit during battles in Africa to the European theatre of war.  He is shown to despise the Nazi Waffen-SS, as he is physically restrained from interrogating and harassing a captured and injured SS officer.  However, it is also the talents of the other actors as his crew that make this such a believable film.  Jon Bernthal in particular shines.  You may remember him as Shane in the Walking Dead, but here he plays artillery loader "Coon-Ass", a proper country boy gone slightly doo-lally after years of war and death.  Rounded off by Shia LaBeouf as "Bible", a religious bomber, he is actually not a prick in this film like he is in real life.  He holds a steady head, and offers sermon to his fellow "brothers" when required.  Michael Pena, as Spanish-American "Gordo" is the first to take Ellison under his wing and help him get through the ravages of war.

Ellison is, however, the stand out character.  A new army recruit with no war experience, plucked from a cushy admin role, he refuses to kill another human being, and his failure to do so ends with the death of another tank crew, all killed by the Hitler youth when Ellison fails to pull the trigger.  In order to force him to grow up and take note of the war around him, he is forced to kill a captured Nazi and is then taken under Wardaddy's wing.  It is after the death of a German girl he fell for that he decides to take his anger out against the Nazi's.

During an attack within Nazi Germany - where it is shown that Nazi's were killing and burning their own children and patrons for refusing to fight against the Allies - Ellison successfully dispatches a squad of Nazi's that disabled the remaining members of the regiment, leaving Fury as the only tank to advance.

This leads us up to our final scene, in which - with Fury disabled due to a mine blast, and a squadron of Waffen-SS officers arriving in numbers - the crew is given the option to leave, or stay with Wardaddy and defend a crossroads.  In allegiance to Wardaddy, all remain and enjoy their last moments  together.  What follows is a gunfight to end all gunfights (the closing scene of the film shows the carnage that 5 men inside a disabled tank were able to inflict), with each member killed trying to protect their brothers, and the crossroads they held to prevent the SS march heaading further afield.  Leaving a critically wounded Wardaddy & Pvt. Ellison - since nicknamed "Machine" in their tank with no more ammunition, and Nazi soldiers climbing above them.  The most poignant moment comes when Wardaddy tells Ellison to get out the escape hatch just as Nazi grenades enter the tank.  On doing so, Ellison is noted by a young Nazi who, most possibly in the same situation as he was, lets him stay with no reprisal.  Getting picked up by a US regiment the following morning, Ellison is named a hero for the fight that was fought, but is racked with the ravages of war and the images of his dead brothers.

This movie does not flinch when it comes to showing the violence and horror of war, nor does it attempt to hide the stress that this puts on each man, with Jon Bernthal's character particularly shell-shocked.  I think my flatmate summed it up when, moments after it ended, he said that he wouldn't be surprised if this didn't win an Oscar.  It is that good a film, but I think it will be pipped at the post by the new Hobbit movie; however there is hope.

I have purposefully not included a lot of photos in this review, this being due to the brutal war scenes and, in part, as seeing pictures will not do this film justice.  Brad Pitt's Sgt. Wardaddy Collier has only ever known Fury, so it is his home, his partner, his love.  He chose to defend it, and his brothers chose to support him in doing so.

This is currently in my top ten films of 2014, but it isn't number one, that film will be up for review at a later date!  Hopefully I'll be able to get another one or two reviews in by the end of the day, as I'm away this weekend and won't get the chance to upload anything until Monday otherwise.

Spoiler Alert!!! My review of 2014's movies - Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

A few years ago, I gave myself a challenge to watch 1000 films in just one year.  I definitely set myself too high a goal, as I couldn't keep up with the required 18/19 film a week average that was required.  However, as part of that challenge, I documented it on an old blog and provided my thoughts on the films I watched (albeit in a much smaller format than I had done previously).

Whilst I am no longer doing the 1000 film challenge (I made it to March and watched around 250 films - in the end my tally was about 800 by the end of the year), as 2014 is coming to a close, I have decided to review the films that have been released this year, and I am starting this today with my review of Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones.

Following the success of the first Paranormal Activity, the franchise continues to churn out a selection of films that are neither scary or, dare I say it, "fresh".  When the first film was released - initially via a film festival in 2007 (later released via cinema with a new ending and added "scarier" elements), it felt like a breathe of fresh air, and was if someone was attempting to re-invent the horror genre (much like Wes Craven did with the seminal Scream back in 1996).  Made on a shoestring budget in his own apartment, Oren Peli managed to scare the pants of much of the worlds population with some cheap special effects and a plausible - if somewhat over-the-top plot - storyline.

I was a fan of the original, but the 2007 version rather than the cinema release in 2009.  At the time, I was living in a haunted house and was getting used to the sights, sounds and experiences that occurred.  I watched the first film on a whim and was taken in by how creepy and unnerving it was.  For those of you that haven't seen it, the original film was not intended to be part of a franchise in any way, as the original ending had Katie slit her throat in front of the camera.  A version was then released that provided an alternative ending of Katie being shot by police following the murder - and subsequent discovery of - her partner Micah.  However, sensing additional money, the studio tacked on an ending that left it open for further films, which in my view diluted everything to come.

However, we come to the latest of the Paranormal Activity franchise (at least before Paranormal Activity 5 - The Ghost Dimension is released in March 2015), this being one that was hinted at in the theatrical version of Paranormal Activity 4, in which a group of Spanish speaking men entered a mysterious witchcraft store.  This is essentially the Latino entry into the series.

The summary for Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (courtesy of IMDB.com) is as follows:

"Jesse begins experiencing a number of disturbing and unexplainable things after the death of his neighbor.  As he investigates, it isn't long before Jessie finds he's been marked for possession by a malevolent demonic entity, and it's only a matter of time before he is completely under its control..."

PLEASE NOTE THAT FROM THIS POINT, THIS REVIEW WILL PROVIDE SPOILERS!!!

The film introduces us to Jessie, his schoolmate Hector, and their friend Marisol, all three being Latino-American teenagers from Oxnard California, who have just recently graduated high school.  Purchasing a second-hand video camera - essentially to showcase what little skateboarding skills they have - Jessie becomes fearful of Ana, a so-called witch who lives in the apartment where Jessie, his father, and grandmother, all reside.  One night, Jessie notices police and paramedics in his apartment building taking Ana's dead body out.  Having noted his former schoolmate Oscar fleeing from the scene, Jessie ropes his friends into breaking into Ana's apartment to determine what happened.

First off, why the hell would you feel you have to do that?  Jessie did not know Ana personally, he never spoke to her and he appeared to just consider her a crazy old bint.  Any sane normal person would think that the murder of an individual they didn't know was a shame, but they wouldn't take it upon themselves to break into the murder scene to investigate it further.  Granted, Jessie believed that Oscar was to blame, but he wasn't a close friend, so why decide to try and find out if Oscar was to blame?  I know it's for story purposes, but surely the writers could have come up with a better way to connect the two?

It's at this point that, after breaking into the deceased's apartment, they find an altar dedicated to black magic, and pictures of Jessie, as well as those missing VHS tapes of Kristi & Katie that were mentioned in Paranormal Activity 3 (seems that Latino witches were to blame, who would have figured that out watching the third part of the franchise?).  Being somewhat dumb and curious, they decide to take the spell book which - and this is a big plot point - allows travel through temporal doorways to other dimensions and places of an unholy nature.  Lets just take a moment though to discuss that, despite not knowing the woman but knowing she may have been a witch, Jessie was not that freaked out that his picture was on a frickin' altar dedicated to black magic?

Wait a minute, this is a horror film right?  That allows for such a lack of modern logic.  Whilst it may help to advance the story, I just feel that it treats viewers like absolute garbage.  But then again, it was written for a mainly American audience, and we all know that they need things to be pretty much spelled out for them to appreciate and understand it.  Anyhoo, these complete tits of teens take the spell book to their local closed church, and attempt to create a temporary portal to another realm.  This leads to quite possibly the best execution of haunting terror, the banging of doors, the unknown in the darkness, though it does lose a bit of the magic by staging this in the church toilet.

Then comes the least effective bit of product placement, the Simon Says machine!  I wonder if the makers of this "game" - that the majority of people of my generation had - were expecting an up-sell of this around the holiday time?  Surely kids and parents would want a machine that they believe the dead can communicate through?  That's right, Simon Says is the 2010's equivalent of a ouija board.  Rather than getting freaked out, the Latino morons decide to play with the Demon (let's call him Dave for now), which is your standard horror cliché - you think its friendly but it has ulterior motives.  By this point, I want them all to die anyway.

Another horror cliché then rears its head, with the bite mark that just appears out of nowhere.  At this point, anyone who had watched the first film would know what this spells - death or possession.  Seeing as this film is about being "marked", it's not hard to note that possession is on the cards, but how it happens is just moronic.

Firstly, Jessie realises he has superhuman powers (such as the ability to fly and the ability to attack anyone without touching them), yet no-one else finds this weird?  Really, are all movie-goers or horror writers blind to the fact that, if you see a human being fly without the need of any apparatus, you may want to point that out to someone...then again, this was mainly seen by American teenagers who believe vampires sparkle (don't get me started on that one).

Upon meeting Oscar (who has strangely black eyes yet no-one seems to really pay attention to that point), Jessie is told to basically kill himself before he kills others (a great line from American Werewolf in London, shamefully ripped off for this film), before Oscar jumps off a building.  This makes him investigate a hidden room in the dead witch's apartment (why anyone would go back is beyond me, but then again I'm a 35 year old English male and not as easily swayed as a 15 year old teenage girl).  He finds photos of himself, Oscar, and Jessie's mum with the crazy old grandmother of Katie from the first film.  Then he hears his dog in the hidden room, and has to get it (despite the fact that he kills it (off-screen of course) along with his grandmother not long after).  At that point, he hears some stuff and then see this:

Seriously?  They chose to use the two kids from Paranormal Activity 3.  Except it's not the same kids.  They're different actors.  Neither looks like the kids in the third film.  Plus, one of them is smiling in a non-creepy way.  Sure they have black eyes, but is this all it takes for American audiences to scream in terror?  Then cue the invisible entity that briefly makes a dark shape appearance.  Then Jessie screams like a girl and falls over.  That's it.  Off-screen possession.  The special effects budget must have been small.

Once possessed, how does he handle the power?  He simply tells his friend Hector he doesn't want to be friends any more.  Proper pinky swear break up.  Hector loves him too much to let him go though, so he contacts a Demon expert, well, the kid from Paranormal Activity 2.  She explains how Jessie is a demon, and seems to know exactly when the next demonic ritual will be.  Before that, they witness Jessie doing the Riverdance in his front room before disappearing into a ball of light.

Despite him disappearing, no-one thinks otherwise and everyone (including the stereotypical gangbanger Latino gangster) decides to stop this ritual that just happens to be happening right then.  At this point, people are killed either by witches, or by disappearing into thin air and emerging dead.  To get away, Hector goes through a door that leads him straight into Katie and Michah's apartment, which prompts the screams Katie made in the first film.  Micah tries to protect Katie but she ends up stabbing him to death anyway, whilst Hector runs into a human fish...well, Jessie in demonic makeup (he looks like a fish boy).

Is he screaming, or is he laughing or what?  Looks like a bad case of herpes to me.  And that's pretty much the end of the film (aside from the camera being switched off).  And I felt afterwards that I will never get the time back that I spent watching this.  Anyone got a spellbook to open some temporal rift to allow for time travel, or at least access to a delorean?

Whilst this franchise is still going strong (thanks to American audiences), I find the whole found footage genre mixed with "horror" to be old hat (I would only consider Blair Witch Project, the first Paranormal Activity & Chronicle to be the only good highlights).  The film highlights so many plot inconsistencies and stupidity from it's characters, but it does answer questions that fans of the franchise had - such as what Katie was screaming at, and where the videotapes went, and it did link back well to the first film.  However, aside from one or two good moments, there wasn't enough to keep me entertained., and I was bored for the majority of its run time.

My verdict on Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is simply this, Boreanormally Marked Turds.  It's a dud, a stinker, but it will flush quickly only for another one to turn up.  How hard is it to actually make a good decent horror film for the non-teen market, as we aren't as dumb as them.

Who Are You? An Autobiography of An Unassuming Non-Celebrity (Prologue & Chapter 1)

PROLOGUE

Who am I I hear you ask, and why am I reading some nonsensical musings and ramblings of someone that hasn't even auditioned for Big Brother?  Trust me, I'm not a celebrity.  I'm just an unassuming 35 year old buffoon from a seaside (well, Thames Estuary-side) town that has entirely way too much time on his hands.  Why not tell everyone about my life?  Hell if Joey Essex can write a book (I assume it's a real book and not a big book of Smurfs colouring book) then I can too.  I may not be on telly, but I at least know my ABC's and can count to ten without the use of my fingers.  And yes, that is a knock on the state of so-called "reality" TV these days, which may happen a lot during the subsequent pages, and that's something coming from a wrestling fan, as we all know without a shadow of a doubt, that wrestling is real.  Right?  Right?

Over the next however many pages (I've just started with the prologue and I'm not entirely sure how many I'm actually going to complete before I call it THE END, but it will be bigger than a copy of Razzle, just without the pictures and readers wives sections - if you don't know what Razzle is/was, you never checked the top shelf of your local newsagent, did you?)I'm going to put everything on paper that I remember about my life - every high, every low and all the embarrassing moments I found myself in.  And if I feel that it's getting too boring, or too preachy, I'm just gonna make shit up, just like that dude Screech from Saved By the Bell who once starred in a porn film that you can never unsee.  So for artistic licence purposes, I would like to end this prologue and start the book off right with the following:

"BASED ON A TRUE STORY"

So strap in, get a cuppa, a bourbon biscuit and get ready for product placement aplenty, as we delve into the life of a Non-Celebrity that will make no sense to those that didn't live it or weren't a part of it.  Just take it for what it is, and that's a way to kill time.  I hope that one day, my memoirs will be read by people on the toilet the whole world over.  It helps to have a dream, and my dreams are minimalistic.  And that's my headstone engraving sorted.

Read on dear listeners, and help me in my goal to become slightly more famous than anyone that put on a Teletubby outfit in the 90's (but I still won't go on Big Brother).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 1: THE END OF THE BEGINNING, OR THE BEGINNING OF THE END?

I don't know if this is the normal way autobiographies start (I doubt it seeing as important celebrity people start from birth (never conception, maybe they too just don't really want to know or imagine their parents ever doing the horizontal hunka-chunka in the first place) but as I'm not a celebrity and merely just some strange fellow from the Southeast of England, I've decided against the norm and to just start this book right now, as in like now.  The present.  Not the past or the middle.  It's a story within a book within a story, but not in a dream like state like that film Inception (was it all a dream?).  Sure, by the time you read this it will be the future.  So kind of accept this slightly like time travel, just without a hoverboard.

I'm currently 35 years old, though by the time I finish this book who knows what age I will be? I'm writing this as, surprisingly, I've managed to bag myself a real life working girlfriend and wanted to put down some of my life in a way to show her just exactly what she's actually dating in the vaguest of hopes that she'll think I'm adorable, though i am expecting she will just find me creepy as she reads this.  Hence the need for artistic licence to amend those paritcular moments in my life in which I just come across like a twat (there have been a few), as otherwise it would be merely cringe-inducing.  So I leave it to you dear reader to deduce just what moments are truth, and which are fiction (to my girlfriend, I promise you will be the only one other than me to know the truth!).  I can use artistic licence, hell the Americans use it whenever they make a World War 2 film - you don't see us Brits making a film about the Vietnam War with Benedict Cumberhatch playing a grizzled veteran gunning down the vietcong, though I may actually pay to watch that (after all, I have seen Sharknado more than once, so obviously I know a thing or two about films).

For the first time in my life I can honestly, hand on heart, call myself a grown up.  Hell, I discussed mortgages last night - what self respecting celebrity would put details of mortgage shopping into their autobiographies?  None, thats who.  Maybe John Major's retirement memoirs (he was pretty boring after all, especially if you choose to believe what Spitting Image told us).  Yep, this former hellraising party animal is now at home sitting in his pants looking at houses to buy, and with me not being an ounce of famous, it means I have to rely on what many in my boat call lower level income.

I work for a soul-less corporation of blood sucking fiends that do all they can to ensure that I stay in exactly the same income and level in order to obtain a nice redundancy payout when they effectively shuffle me off the working coil.  I earn enough to ensure I live surrounded by the finest mahogany furniture, and own the largest collection of velour blazers and cordoruy trousers known to man.  I earn enough money to live off soup 4-5 days a week, and the rest of the time I spend treating my girlfriend to what can only be described as a chinese meal and maybe a fry up.

I lead a very normal life, somewhat boring from time to time, but thats the same as everyone else in my position.  The difference between my life and someone who has enough money to buy everything is simply down to one word - happiness.  Whilst I have days of ups and downs, I can happily say that everything I own is mine, and I worked hard to get it.  Sure, I'd like a bit more money from time to time (who wouldn't?) but money is not the be all and end all.  How many rich people do you know that aren't egomaniacal douchebags?  I may be "poor" compared to them, but I don't need stuff.  I've got memories in my head and I've done more in 35 years than most people will ever do.  So take this as the inane ramblings from a nobody if you will, or take this as a motivational speech.  You don't need things to be happy - if you do then you never will be.  Though I always will pay out for comfortable pants.  Thems a must.  Why is it that the most comfortable clothes you own are the ones with holes in them that you really truly don't want to throw away?  Why can't they just invent pants that never deteriorate, or trousers that don't split at the crotch over time?  One day, some time in the future, that dream will become a reality.

And on that note, I thank you for making it to the end of this first chapter.  Chrissie, if you're reading this, this book is for you.  I hope it makes you laugh, and maybe makes you teary from time to time (either through genuine feelings or laughter), as you have inspired me to write again.  If you're reading this and you aren't my girlfriend, then I can only say cheers for giving me your time, and I hope you enjoy the rest of my unassuming life.  I guarantee you embarassing predicaments and cringe worthy moments in the many chapters to follow, and if my life makes the most curmudgeonly of you smile or even giggle, then my work will be done.

New Post for a New Jamie

It has been way too flipping long since I last decided to write a blog post.  There's been a few reasons for it but I definitely need to start pulling my finger out and getting back in the blog game.  Since I last posted a blog, I have met a fantastic girl who has left me feeling fantastic and ready to tackle anything every day, and this has got the creative juices in my head going 100 miles an hour up and down the motorway of my imaginative mind.  It's due to this that I've decided on a new writing kick to keep me occupied in the moments I'm not able to see her (bloody work getting in the way!).

I've got a few ideas in my mind, but I'm told that I can be funny at times, so I'm going to set my mind on that and, for the foreseeable future, I aim to write the first of my many memoirs, which I shall be calling "Who Are You? An Autobiography of An Unassuming Non-Celebrity".  This will be a mix of reality and imagination, giving everyone that cares to read it a glimpse into the world of a complete and utter non-celebrity that's trying to make his way in the world.

For those interested in noting how well this could go, please find below the first page, lovingly titled Prologue.  Enjoy!

PROLOGUE

Who am I I hear you ask, and why am I reading some nonsensical musings and ramblings of someone that hasn't even auditioned for Big Brother?  Trust me, I'm not a celebrity.  I'm just an unassuming 35 year old buffoon from a seaside (well, Thames Estuary-side) town that has entirely way too much time on his hands.  Why not tell everyone about my life?  Hell if Joey Essex can write a book (I assume it's a real book and not a big book of Smurfs colouring book) then I can too.  I may not be on telly, but I at least know my ABC's and can count to ten without the use of my fingers.  And yes, that is a knock on the state of so-called "reality" TV these days, which may happen a lot during the subsequent pages, and that's something coming from a wrestling fan, as we all know without a shadow of a doubt, that wrestling is real.  Right?  Right?

Over the next however many pages (I've just started with the prologue and I'm not entirely sure how many I'm actually going to complete before I call it THE END, but it will be bigger than a copy of Razzle, just without the pictures and readers wives sections - if you don't know what Razzle is/was, you never checked the top shelf of your local newsagent, did you?)I'm going to put everything on paper that I remember about my life - every high, every low and all the embarrassing moments I found myself in.  And if I feel that it's getting too boring, or too preachy, I'm just gonna make shit up, just like that dude Screech from Saved By the Bell who once starred in a porn film that you can never unsee.  So for artistic licence purposes, I would like to end this prologue and start the book off right with the following:

"BASED ON A TRUE STORY"

So strap in, get a cuppa, a bourbon biscuit and get ready for product placement aplenty, as we delve into the life of a Non-Celebrity that will make no sense to those that didn't live it or weren't a part of it.  Just take it for what it is, and that's a way to kill time.  I hope that one day, my memoirs will be read by people on the toilet the whole world over.  It helps to have a dream, and my dreams are minimalistic.  And that's my headstone engraving sorted.

Read on dear listeners, and help me in my goal to become slightly more famous than anyone that put on a Teletubby outfit in the 90's (but I still won't go on Big Brother).

Remembering the Ultimate Warrior

Today started like such a normal day - the sun was out, birds were tweeting, the usual - and as I turned the alarm off of my phone, I noticed a news story that literally cause my jaw to drop.  This news was exceptionally sad, and meant that another small part of my childhood was lost as I head towards my late 30's / impending 40's.  This news - courtesy of Rajah.com - was the following headline:

Ultimate Warrior Has Died

Surely, this wasn't the truth?  I, like millions of others, stayed up into the early hours of Monday morning and watched James Hellwig (The Ultimate Warrior) earn his rightful spot as part of the WWE Hall of Fame.  And last night, catching up with Monday Night Raw, I saw Mr Hellwig shake the ropes one more time, and for a split second it was just like the old days.  How could, just a few mere hours later, he be pronounced dead?

As a kid, I started watching the World Wrestling Federation in November 1988, with my first taste of their product being the 1988 Survivor Series that a friend had recorded.  This was where my love for sports-entertainment began.  Be it for the characters, the choreography (back then I was fully aware that it was scripted, even as a naive and precocious 10 year old), the music, the splendour, I was hooked.  Back in 1988, the Survivor Series card was built of a number of 5-on-5 tag team elimination matches.  The superstars at this one particular event were in full flow - Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ted Dibiase, Andre the Giant, Jake Roberts, Mr Perfect, Shawn Michaels, Marty Jannetty, The British Bulldogs, Demolition and more.  However, one superstar stood out to me.  He had the look, the colour, the speed, the strength, and the most recognisable theme music since Real American.  That man was the Ultimate Warrior.

I was in awe of his energy and that he appeared to be almost impervious to pain.  After watching him become the sole survivor of his team, I determined that I was going to be one of the Warriors, his loyal group of fans.  After going back and watching every PPV up to that point, I found myself, like most kids at that point, having joint allegiances with Hulk Hogan and the Warrior.  Neither had met in the ring one-on-one, but at the 1990 Royal Rumble, we had the first staredown.  Then came the Ultimate Challenge at Wrestlemania 6.

Back in those days, I wasn't allowed to stay up well into the early hours, and we had no internet to give us spoiler results, so I had to wait until my one friend who had Sky Sports let me borrow his taped copy of the event.  Watching the main event, I almost couldn't face the screen, as two of my "heroes" were trying to destroy each other.  When Warrior got the pin, I was ecstatic.  Hogan was still up there, but Warrior was so much cooler.

As I got older, my interest in the WWF (as they were at that time) waned for other interests (girls mainly).  When I started watching again in 1999 (the first event I would watch happened to be Over the Edge where Owen Hart was killed doing an in ring stunt) the old guard had gone.  There was no Hogan, and there was no Warrior.

I found it interesting that I, like most kids, were in awe of these two wrestlers, as watching their matches back now you can see just how bad they actually were.  Aside from Wrestlemania 6 and 7, Warrior never had career defining matches, and became promptly buried by the WWE in 2005 following the release of the Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior.  Watching that, you realised the guy made no sense, he was sloppy and he was unreliable.  However, he still had the look, the it factor, and deserved his place at the top of the wrestling tableau at least once in his life.

I've sat through the shoot videos between Warrior and Hogan, I've heard Warrior say many things that some could consider hate crimes.  Yet these two wrestlers still hold a place in my heart, a place reserved for childhood memories.  And at Wrestlemania 30, Hogan came out first, but Warrior got the pop that mattered.  He was loved still, all these years later - 24 years after he won the WWF title - by those that remembered him back then, those that had grown up but still remembered the music, the energy.

On Monday Night Raw, he came to the ring in a Warrior jacket, he shook the ropes, and he gave us a fantastic promo, that proved he loved the fans.  Shockingly, some 24 hours later, his words have taken on a whole new meaning.  We don't know how he passed, or whether he knew himself, but his words seemed to indicate that maybe, the gods from above had told him his time on earth was up, and he was to reign in the mountains above.

I've seen the loss of many a wrestler I appreciated over the years, but none as much as James Hellwig.  He may not have been the greatest wrestler in the world, but he could make the hair on your neck stand up as soon as his music hit.  He was one of the greatest remembered stars in professional wrestling, and he will be sorely missed by the fans, and by me - the 35 year old, and the 10 year old kid who still remembers the past glories he had.

Rest In Peace Warrior, run those ropes in heaven.  Thank you for the memories you gave me and countless millions.

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe their final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized."

The Ultimate Warrior, 16th June 1959 - 8th April 2014

My Movies of 2013

I haven't written in a while - especially after I stated that I would make it my aim to do so more this year (as well as last year and the year before it) - so I figured I would try and use what short spare time I had to get back into the writing swing of things.  And what better way to start this than an exceptionally late review of my favourite films of 2013!

Out of every movie that was released in 2013, I managed to obtain a grand total of 111 of them.  Unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to sit down and watch all of them - I only managed to catch 72 of them, and still have 39 left to watch and either enjoy and keep or discard into a recycling bin.

Trying to put 72 films into a list of 10 was quite a task.  There were so many good films released in 2013 that could fit into any critic or reviewers top ten, and whilst I have taken into account what the critics think, my choice is not based on their perception, but rather mine.  I like films that make me laugh, that make me think, that make me want to be a part of it.  If I like a film, I will re-watch it again and again (and I have re-watched 16 of the 72 films more than once already).

Whilst trying to pick my favourite films may have been tough, it was a lot easier to weed out the utter dross that was released.  So it is without further ado that I confirm what I consider to be the worst films I saw in 2013:

Tied into first place as the worst films of 2013 are Movie 43 and Inappropriate Comedy.  Why the hell film-makers saw fit to make these utter piles of horse crap is beyond me.  Whilst they aren't at a level whereby I would rather watch episodes of Last of the Summer Wine and From May to December instead of them, they do come close.  Inappropriate Comedy tries to be just like the Kentucky Fried Movie but fails in every comparison.  Movie 43 has a number of A List stars in it, but has no specific plot (apparently there are versions for both the UK and US audiences that explain why we are watching crap "mini-movies", but at the end of the day, who cares?  Not the viewing public, and definitely not the critics who savagely lambasted these two films - for once, I agree with the critics!

In addition to the two monstrous atrocities above, I would have to also give a shout out to Warm Bodies (a zombie romantic comedy that was devoid of laughs for me - just look at Shaun of the Dead in order how to do a zombie rom com), A Good Day to Die Hard (which took me three sittings to get through and I still hated it), Evil Dead (a remake that did not require one - we only wanted a new Bruce Campbell sequel - and that ruined everything good about the original), Pacific Rim (held so much promise, but bored the hell out of me), The Wolverine (I loved the X-Men Origins Wolverine film, but this was not up to that standard, and it felt a bit sub-par for me), Man of Steel (possibly a controversial choice, but whilst Henry Cavill was a great choice as the titular role, this was just way too over the top for me), and Snitch (I thought that this would be a good action movie with the Rock, but there was really none - all the best bits were in the trailer).

So that's 9 films off the list, leaving only 63 left to choose from.  It seems right to give out some memorable honours to the following films, all of which I enjoyed, but just missed out on my top ten:

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.
Out of the Furnace.
Dallas Buyers Club.
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa.
Carrie (2013 Remake).
Don Jon.
Jobs.
Elysium.
The Heat.
Monsters University.
12 Years a Slave.
21 & Over.
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom.
Captain Phillips.
Iron Man 3.
Stand Up Guys.
Pain & Gain.

So, here we come to my ten favourite films of the year 2013:

10 - Gravity
09 - The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
08 - I Give It a Year
07 - Thor: The Dark World
06 - Now You See Me
05 - About Time
04 - Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
03 - The Wolf of Wall Street
02 - This Is The End
01 - Despicable Me 2

If you were wondering what were the films I had actually seen in 2013 in order to decide my above top ten, I can confirm that these were the following:

2 Guns, 12 Years a Slave, 21 & Over, A Good Day to Die Hard, About Time, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, Captain Phillips, Carrie (2013 Remake), Dallas Buyers Club, Delivery Man, Despicable Me 2, Don Jon, Elysium, Escape Plan, Evil Dead (2013 Remake), Fast & the Furious 6, Gravity, Grown Ups 2, Grudge Match, Hell Baby, Her, Homefront, I Give It a Year, Identity Thief, Inappropriate Comedy, Insidious: Chapter 2, Iron Man 3, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa, Jobs, Kick-Ass 2, Last Vegas, Mama, Man of Steel, Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, Metallica: Through the Never, Monsters University, Movie 43, Now You See Me, Olympus Has Fallen, Out of the Furnace, Oz: The Great & Powerful, Pacific Rim, Pain & Gain, Prisoners, RIPD, Runner Runner, Scary Movie 5, Snitch, Stand Up Guys, Star Trek: Into Darkness, The Conjuring, The Family, The Heat, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, The Internship, The Last Stand, The Purge, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, The Wolf of Wall Street, The Wolverine, The World's End, This is the End, Thor: The Dark World, Turbo, Warm Bodies, We're the Millers, World War Z.

An I still have the following 2013 films left to see:

47 Ronin, After Earth, All Is Lost, American Hustle, Blue Jasmine, Bullet to the Head, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2, Dead Man Down, Ender's Game, Escape From Planet Earth, Frozen, Gangster Squad, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, Hours, Jack the Giant Slayer, Lone Survivor, Machete Kills, Oblivion, Parker, Percy Jackson & the Sea of Monsters, Philomena, RED 2, Riddick, Rush, Saving Mr Banks, Spring Breakers, Texas Chainsaw 3D, The Book Thief, The Call, The Croods, The Haunting in Conneticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The Iceman, The Last Exorcism Part 2, The Lone Ranger, The Smurfs 2, Trance, Welcome to the Punch, You're Next.

If, after watching any of the above films, I decide to change my list, I will edit this post to do so.

As I've said before, this is my list based on my tastes and opinions, so it may differ to yours, but I would love to hear your best films of 2013!

Until the next time, stay classy minions!!!!

The state of the WWE

I'm a 35 year old male who grew up in the era of saying your prayers, drinking your milk and eating your vitamins.  This was the era known as the Golden Age of Wrestling.  I was hooked from day one and, despite a lull in the mid 90's (when, to be honest, everyone was turning away from the product), I have continued to be a fan and watch the WWE (formerly the WWF) grow and provide quality entertainment.

Back in the 80's, wrestling was about your good guy versus your bad guy, with a number of larger than life and cartoony gimmicks to keep the kids hooked.  As the years have gone on, the gimmicks have been dropped, but there's still the good guy versus bad guy mentality.  As the years have gone on, storylines have got better, but there have been moments of pure mediocrity.

After watching the 2014 Royal Rumble, I was shocked to see that the WWE writers, bookers & Vince McMahon himself, fail to capitalise on the one person that could take their company into the next era - that man is Daniel Bryan.  He's probably the most over wrestler in the business to date, as the crowd rally behind him at every single point.  Did you see the reaction he got when he turned on Bray Wyatt at Raw a few weeks back?  Everyone in that building was cheering for him, and was behind him.  Then at the Royal Rumble this past Sunday, he had a match-of-the-year contender against Bray Wyatt.  Everyone in the audience - as well as those watching at home - wanted to see Bryan run down as a contender in the Rumble.  When the live crowd realised he wouldn't be, they made sure that their voices were heard.  This got such a big reaction that major news channels were reporting on it (the BBC for one).

The WWE missed a trick here - the crowd reaction alone should have provided the perfect storyline - Bryan enters the Rumble and wins, makes his way to Wrestlemania & wins the WWE World Heavyweight championship in front of 75,000 screaming fans.  However, this was not to be.  Instead, a 40+ part-timer (who incidentally is best friends with the COO of the company) comes in, garners minimal fan support, and wins the Rumble in the most sloppy of manners, garnering a shot which should belong to the most deserving of talents.

Here lies the problem for me, Vince McMahon has this idea in his head that his champions should be 6ft + and built like a brick shithouse.  Unfortunately Vince, it's not the 80's anymore, and steroided freaks of nature are not the norm.  Us wrestling fans will get behind anyone that has the talent and desire to succeed, and can elevate the talent they're working with.  Sure, Batista was a good asset years ago, and there's no doubt that there are fans who are glad to see him back, but to see him take a spot that should be given to someone who has busted their gut for the past year after 4 years inactivity in the wrestling world was a slap in the face.  I know that his entry in the Rumble match prompted a victory for him before it had even begun, but the WWE has been known to swerve us at times (remember Jericho as the winner to face Punk, only for hi to lose to Sheamus?).

Vince McMahon seems to feel that, if a wrestler doesn't draw in attendance as champion, the belt will always be placed on a guaranteed draw - unfortunately, this means John Cena or Randy Orton.  I remember back in the early 90's when Ric Flair passed the torch to Bret Hart, who worked so hard in every match only for Vince to feel that a bigger name needed the belt - that was Wrestlemania 9, and Hulk Hogan winning after "retiring" & refusing to drop the belt back to Bret Hart.  There needs to be a period of change that they stick to.  Granted, the period of 95-96 was the worst ever for the WWE.  They tended to shy away from the technical wrestlers (Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, etc) and stuck the title on Diesel and have Mabel as a "contender".  Following the introduction of the Attitude era, times did change and new superstars were formed, and lines were crossed with very mediocre storylines but this became the most famous era in the WWE.

I remember the bad gimmicks & god-awful storylines (Mae Young giving birth to a hand for feck's sake!) & the numerous swerves and turns (thanks Vince Russo!), but what I also remember is the ever increasing title changes that occurred.  What happened to a champion winning a title, holding onto it for months & dropping it to a deserved contender?  Back in the late 90's the WWE title changed hands almost monthly.  I want to be shocked when a title change occurs, I want that feeling of how it was in the early days - back in the 80's a title would only change hands maybe once a year on a major PPV.  In my view, a champion should help build up the title to either drop it to an on-fire heel/face, or to a more deserving talent.

I've gone through the WWE roster and the options available to the WWE for growth are high, and the future looks good.  However, Vince McMahon needs to understand that change will be better in the long run.  Take Daniel Bryan - giving him a shot at the Rumble and building on the momentum he has would be the best for business.  Maybe they want to do that story next year but who's to say that momentum would still continue until then?  Roman Reigns is being built up to be the next face of the company - he's big and agile and has the look that Vince loves, but does he have the charisma to carry it off?  In my opinion, he does.

I've gone through the WWE roster to determine what I believe - and this is purely my opinion, which may differ from yours - should be the best for business going forward:

1) Daniel Bryan should be inserted into the Wrestlemania main event.  After the Royal Rumble, Batista ended up flipping off the fans & taking the piss out of them, and Daniel Bryan.  It is understood that Vince is not at all happy with this, as well as the egotistical rantings that Batista has been spouting since agreeing to come back.  Maybe his punishment will lead to a match with Bryan for the Wrestlemania main event, with Bryan winning.  This could be due to interference from Del Rio, which would lead to a match between the two.  This way, Batista can still get a pay-off but the momentum continues for Bryan.  I know that Bryan is now in the Chamber match for the next PPV, & that its likely that Sheamus will turn heel setting up a Bryan vs Sheamus match, but there's still time to change this.  Bryan winning at Mania has to be the culmination of a story that began last summer.  I for one would be happy to see Bryan vs Orton again!

2) Take the tag team titles off of the New Age Outlaws.  Just because they're HHH's boys they get a shot when teams like the Uso's & the Real Americans are busting their guts and putting on good matches.  Ideally, a good Wrestlemania opener would be a fatal four way tag team ladder elimination match with The Brotherhood (Rhodes & Goldust) vs The Uso's vs The Real Americans vs either the Shield (Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins) or Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara.  Given 15-20 minutes of high action & energetic pace, this would elevate all those involved.  I believe that either Cesaro or Swagger will turn face this year (my money is on the former), so they deserve a tag title run before that.

3) Make the WWE title mean something - stop monthly changes or swerves entirely.  I realise that CM Punks 434 day reign of the modern era will never likely be beaten in my lifetime, but it could be if the build is right.  My view is either put the title on a heel who retains and builds credibility only to be beaten at Mania or one of the other big PPV's (to give it a big feeling) by a white-hot face (like Bryan at the moment).  This can be highlighted by building up the chase for the title.  Alternatively, put the title on a face who loses it to a heel with tremendous heat from the crowd.  Either way, the champion needs to be able to work and draw crowds in.  That can be done if the story is built well.

4) Unify the Intercontinental & US titles - its time to make the IC title mean something.  Back in the day this was a stepping stone to the next level, a WWE title run.  Nowadays, neither title is defended often, and the prestige for the IC title has long gone.  Put this on an emerging face or heel, or a veteran, & let them hold it for a while but defend it on TV & PPV.

5) Elevate new talent!!!  Just looking at the roster you have an abundance of talent that can be elevated to higher midcard or even WWE title level.  These include Daniel Bryan (the most over wrestler in the company), Bray Wyatt, Antonio Cesaro, Big E Langston, Damien Sandow, Justin Gabriel, Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, Tyson Kidd & Dolph Ziggler from the main roster, whilst Bo Dallas & Sami Zayn look like amazing developmental prospects.  Speaking as a fan, I don't want the same matches each week/month.  Give us something new.  Also, if something doesn't work out as Vince wants it, don't go back to the tried & tested way of going with John Cena, Randy Orton et al.  Out of the current roster, I respect Orton & Cena for what they've done, but neither of them needs the title as part of their character.

Based on the Rumble - and the negative press associated with it since it finished - it has become clear that maybe the WWE has no idea what they're doing.  Unless they rectify this, they could end up like WCW - the same bookers picking the same matches, and preventing younger talent from exceeding.  As a fan, that's not what I want.  As a business, surely that's not what they want.